D.I.V.E. (deep, innovative, vertical expression)

Amarillo in July. There is nothing amateurish about the heat in Texas,  so no one complains when thunder clouds roll in, bringing a brief torrent of rain!  Both blistering sidewalks and travel-weary souls are soothed. 

Welcomed by a warm and generous hostess, my doubts about coming began to evaporate like the rain on the sidewalks.  Rita Springer had been right.  I needed this time, this oasis in a desert of uncertainty and exhaustion.  A week of immersion in worship and songwriting would do me good...even if I was the oldest of seventeen women attending.  I felt a little sorry for my beautiful, young roommate.  Old enough to be her mother,  I would soon discover that the Lord had arranged for this!  Deb's mother had been unwell since she was a young girl...so a week with a 'mom' was an unexpected gift.

Saturday morning, our first full day at D.I.V.E. began with an extended time of worship.   I was ambushed by a stubborn lump in my throat and the inability to sing a note.  
Surrounded by heartfelt singing: "Oh how He loves us..."  I found myself FUMING! Try as I might, I COULD NOT SING THOSE WORDS!!!  I shrank into a puddle on the floor and silently cried out to the Lord:

"I thought You loved me!  What kind of God would ask me to leave my home and my family...everything I have ever known...and move halfway across the world???  I am numb with fear and mistrust!  I feel alone and abandoned...dull and EMPTY!"  I sobbed , shattered.  Too broken to be embarrassed.  There it was.  I'd said it.  I half expected to be struck dead for my insolence...

Instead, the Lord waited patiently for the emptying of my storehouse of tears...then, very gently and quietly He spoke to my heart:  "This IS my expression of LOVE for you!"

I knew then, that this ALL-KNOWING, ALL SEEING, ALL WISE GOD had a plan for my life that I could not foresee or imagine.  I would have to choose trust.  He had proven His love for me in countless ways.  To doubt, in light of the CROSS, was an insult to His goodness...
He would NOT challenge me to such extreme obedience UNLESS THERE WAS A GOOD REASON!

Rita's words that morning pierced my soul with their truth: 
                                           "There is slaughter involved in worship!"

"And when He had called the people unto Him with His disciples also, He said unto them, 'Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself,
and take up his cross, and follow Me."
(Mark 8:34)

Although I could not see my way ahead, the Lord shone His light on the horizon...I knew He had gone before us.  Later that week, taking a creative break from the musical aspect of D.I.V.E., Rita gathered materials and challenged us to personalize journals she provided.  I randomly grabbed a couple of magazines, and began cutting and pasting.  The end result took my breath away: